Third Goal

According to Peace Corps:

What is the Third Goal?

Third Goal

The Third Goal of the Peace Corps aims to help Americans understand the people and cultures of other countries. It is one of the three goals that support the mission of the Peace Corps to promote world peace and friendship. (USPC)

This last monday, 8 American High school students from California arrived in here to have a week filled of activities and sharing with a youth group here in my site.  My counterpart and I planned several activites for them and, tomorrow friday is there last day here in Conce.  I have two girls staying with me and my house, they are both 14 and 15 respectively.  The activities have centered around exchanging experiences of youth and sharing what we have in common and what is different, so i feel pretty confident about achieving Peace corps 3rd goal.  They have three teachers with them, the project is called ARUNA, and they come from northern California.  At first it was supremely difficult for me to have that many people around that were speaking english and asking me things and wanting things, it was actually overwhelming and I had to take a minute away from the translating and the american, i would call them civilians or non peace corps personal, ja ja ja.  it was so interesting to see Guatemala through there eyes, they were not jaded and everything was quaint and interesting to them.  The group has been so super pilas (wicked smart)  with the exchanged back and forth between the guatemalan youth and the american youth, they discussed: human rights, immigration, drugs and alcohol, suicide, rape, violence, unemployment, government and much more.  I have really had such a tremendous experience learning from them, I have tried to take a bit of there happy attitudes and genuine interest with me, although I feel that they have and will only be here for a week, and I have been here for two years.  Somtimes I think to myself, how jaded and changed i have become, how comfortable I am seeing things that are uncomfortable and dangerous to americans.  At night I talk to the american girls for hours, and I feel like hey maybe the ptsd thing is nothing and I can laugh and joke and thing about how I am just like them or how i will be like other americans when I get home.  Then I think to myself, probably not, ja ja ja.  Th students leave friday morning, we are painting a mural before they go, and some words and goodbyes will be said, and I will remain here for another month and a half.

Yes, I only have 1 month and a half left.  I applied to leave a month earlier given two reasons. I will be starting a clinical nursing internship in buffalo this summer as well as the two assaults that took place.  I have been having a hard time with processing these things that have happened to me while living here.  I am mostly scared when I am by myself or at night time or in the market or on buses, which basically describes every situation you are in here.  peace corps has been sending me to see the peace corps counselor, which monday the 8th, is my 4th appoinment. When I talk to the counselor in peace corps, i feel like  I cannot say the words, because when i say it, it means it really happened.  There is something about being in peace corps, while you are here, you see crazy, horrible, things but your mind does not allow you to process them in the moment, your brain waits until you are safe and you feel comfortable and then you process.  However changed I am, I still value my experiences here and would do it again in a heartbeat, I love Guatemala, especially the women and girls I work with.  Although,  I am happy about seeing the peace corps counselor because she has been helping me, and i can leave rural Guatemala for a while and go to the city and watch tv, have electiricty and water and go running and feel better.  The counselor says that with PTSD you have this heightened state of awareness at all times, and it is so exhausting, you push people away and you want to be alone, you are constantly looking around and you have triggers, these are all things we experience every day as volunteers. It is really tiring to live like this but i still enjoy the people and town I live in and I truly love my peace corps experience.

My new town is so beautiful and I cannot help but love it.  My PCVL came to visit me in site and check on me and the health center, she described me as a changed volunteer, which I agree with.  I am 100 percent content with my new site and I love my counterpart to pieces, I have never once felt uncomfortable by on person in my health center.  I have made such friends with all of the staff.  Now we have an american medical student named shane, who will be here with us for two weeks, it is really nice to see an american, tall man every day at work, and he walks with me, so i feel comfortable again.  

I have been playing soccer still with the womens team in xela.  Next week they are heading to France for the world cup for middle schools.  We will still have practice and games for the ones that are old gals, like myself.  

I cannot believe I have only a month and a half left of living here.  The time has gone by in some instances so fast and in other ways so very slowly.  The people I live with now or so very old, and I am hoping that the abuela(grandmother) does not die before I leave.  She was so sick a couple of weeks ago and she called me down to hold her hand when she was crying in pain, I though for sure she was going to die that night, but she did not and seems to be feeling a little bit better, however I think it could be any day now really.  I have become really close with them as well as the girl who works here in the house, Heidy.  She is 18 and married and she is such a great girl, we walk everywhere together and we go to the market together. Honestly since I have been to Conce, i have met such great friends, and I really wish I would have been able to have lived here for the entire time, instead of being in such a horrible site earlier.  

I have rather sad news to those of you that have been following my adventures.  You will remember that I had a dog in my old site, and that her name was rose, or "my puppet".  When I moved I was not allowed to take here with me, because I live in a more urbanized area now, and she could not run or play outside.  I had intrusted my old site mate to look out for her and my old host family was supposed to take care of here until i could make arrangements to bring her back with me to the states.  My site mate was looking out and would give me updates on how rosie seemed, she had seemed to be doing well and playing with the kids and running around.  I missed her terribly and it hurt to know we were far away, she was my protecter and constant compaion she would run with me, walk with me, play soccer with me and sleep with me.  I loved her so much.  The last time my old host family had spoken with me was to ask me for 100Q that they said i owed them,  they also told me I could not take the bed with me, that I purchased from the last volunteers, because they said that they had bought that bed, SABER.  I did not really want to speak with them anymore after that, I loved the children, but the grandmother of the house and I never got along.  Recently while in route to the capital for my counseling session, I was in the peace corps microsbus and my old host mom called me and told me that the grandmother had sold rose, that rose was scared and sad, and they sold her in the market to strangers instead of calling me first and telling me to come and get her.  Rose was gone,just like that.  They could sell her like that and not chose to tell me or ask me to come and get here.  I tried desperately with my old sitemate to locate her or any information pertaining to her, but she was gone just like that. My dear rosie, I loved her so much and when I think of her i have such overwhelming sadness and anxiety that I have to stop and move on or else I will never stop crying.  I wish I could find her, and at the same time, I know the wishing is futile.  I had her since she was a puppy and I will forever love her, I miss her so much, she is such a part of my peace corps service.  I will never forgive them for doing what they did without consulting me first. I miss my rosie!

Daniel also left to go home to the USA.  He finished his two years and is on his next adventures.  He for sure deserves some awesome adventures, and I wish him the most fun and happiness.  

Things are continuing here.  My time is so short now, that I am terrified something will happen to me before I can make it back to American soil, ja ja ja ja.  I am doing well and safe.  I am so excited to come home and start nursing school in Texas.  My cousin and her husband live close and I have a couple friends down there now as well.  I have a bunch of projects to finish up here, but all in all things are winding down and I am glad to be finishing and heading home.  I cannot wait for this summer in the USA.  I count the days sometimes the hours.
A thunderstorm is rolling in over the mountains that surround my town.  It is dark and stormy and people are heading from there fields towards town and there houses.  the storms are scary as the roll in, however they appear beautiful.  It is raining rather hard, I will miss the sound it makes on the tin roof.  I am happy to be alive still, Maybe I will go outside and dance in the rain on my roof! The rain here is symbolic of Guatemala, it appears and is dangerous, however beautiful in the same instance. 

In May we have our close of service conference, this month I go to the capital for my sessions and june 17th, 2013, I am home for good. 

Thank you all for reading my posts, I hope I have made you proud.  Thank you for your support, encouragement and love.

Please continue to pray for me and my fellow volunteers, that we may finish our service to our country and to Guatemala and that we may return home to America and our families.

See you soon!!!!  

Me faltan cuatro meses!

This is so utterly unbelievable that I only have about four months left in Peace corps.  The last time i wrote in this thing was may 2012, damn.  I have had so many things change so many things have happened. I need to stop updating like this.  It would be impossible to condense the last eight months into this blog posting but i'll share some moments in time with you all.
Lets pick up with me going home last summer 2012 for two weeks to visit some graduate schools in vermont and newyork, I did this to placate my parents although knowing that I would be in texas in just a short time.  Most of my friends know of my love affair with the city of Austin.  My dream of attending nursing school at the university of texas will be arriving shortyly.  I will be moving there August 2013, starting school in september.
Why nursing you ask? well I had always worked in health care before peace corps and had never really realized what direction i was headed until holding a dieing child in my arms while working in the rural health post in Guatemala.  There have been so many other horrific things I have seen and been witnessed to and it has changed me profoundly as well as many of my other volunteers. we have all been changed by being challeneged with working in one of the hardest and most dangerous peace corps posts in the world, new volunteers are made to sign a waiver acknowledging the added risks of serving at a post of this nature.
I had a site change.  CRAZY. I was made to leave from where I had been working for the last year and 8 months due to security issues. I cannot really say anymore then that.  I left everything behind, my women's group, completed projects, my dog, my host family, it was too hard to say goodbye. i just left, i could not handle it.  I feel horrible about it to this day, but I cant look back, it would be too hard to go forward.  I miss my dog rose, terribly, i pray everyday that she is ok and being treated well, i have my doubts but my old sitemate is looking after her.  My new site is a municipality of xela, I cannot really say the name due to security.  It is a beautiful and welcoming town, such a change to where I had been living previously.  I work in a health center much like the puesto i had been working in before,  it serves the same pupose to the rural population, however for me everything has changed, there are more health staff to work with and the local population has welcomed me with such gratitute and selflessness, they are always taking care of me.  My work has been steady and I am finding my rhythum with the new staff, which  are some of the best Guatemalans I have come across, there passion and dedication to help the poorest of there country can be seen everyday. This is what I have been searching for since the beginning and I am glad I had the courage to stick it out when such terrible things had occured in my old site.  I will not ever forget my old site, I will remember the memories, but I have to move on.

More about my new site:  The people speak a local dialect which I am being taught by my new women's group.  I am currently living just outside the center, with my abuelitos, they are my little tiny guatemalan grandparents. They have a huge house that was built by there son who currently lives in the United states, so it is just myself and them.  They are too old to walk very far so I have the second and third floor and the roof all to myself.  Although the house could be described as a mansion it lacks basic necisities which marks it for what it is, a house built on remesas from the united states.  There is water once and a while and electricity once and a while, no refridgeration and very little ammenities, and it is freezing.
In this new area I find myself respected more, less harassment, less stress and less nervousness about whether or not i will be touched, sexually harassed or assulted.  suffice it to say i feel comfortable here, my guard is still up, this is is rural guatemala after all, however I know when even the little boys have respect for me, things are getting better.
I had a horrible jaw infection which made me super sick and having to spend two weeks in the capital in the peace corps hotel, eating mashed potatoes and going to the doctors, while my face swelled up so horribly that i had black and blues under my eyes and could not see.  Things got better after waiting for a while, never the less I am ok, which is all the matters.
Another horrible event.  I was going back for one of the final times to my old site on the bus as I had done for the past year and 8 months and I was assulted by a drunken man. Verbally, physically, sexually, who threw food on me, touched me and noone came to my defense. This is Guatemala, you look out for yourself   I finally gained some courage to remove myself from the clutches of that horrible man.  It was an absolutely terrifying experience that i still think about  daily. Peace Corps has been helpful with the processing of this event. what more do I have to say to this man? FUCK YOU!

Female volunteers go through so much here, I really wish the american people would acknowledge the dangers volunteers face and think about our families and what they must go through worrying about us.

My sitemates parents came for christmas.  I finally was able to leave the doctors and we had a blast playing tour guides with them and realizing how awesome our spanish has become!

I went home for two weeks in january which was awesome. I gave several talks about peace corps and visited some old friends and places. The time went by far to fast and this last time I was home, was the hardest for me. I really felt that I did not belong with normal people. I am not sure what it was, a number of peace corps volunteers speak about this, people call it ptsd, or adjustments difficulties, we have to remember that we have not been home for more then a month in the last 2 years. We have missed so much and no longer relate with normal americans.  I will be thankful and so very greatful to go home for the last time in June 2013, however i am frightened to realize the struggles that we will have trying to adjust back to life in the United States.

some good news.  I am playing soccer with the womens professional team in xela.  These girls are so amazing and it makes me so happy to play at this competitive level again.  i go to practice twice a week, leaving early from the health center.  we also have home and away games on sundays, my friends from peace corps have come to watch and some friends and guatemalan family from my new site as well.  I also have been keeping up with my running and have signed up for my second half marathon when i get home in the states. It will be the mad river valley half marathon in vermont!
Quite litterlly i have so little time left here it is scary and exciting to think about the next steps, looking towards the future in texas and being able to study nursing and speak spanish.  I hope to graduate in two years and work for a while then again leave the country to join something along the lines of nurses without borders or doctors without borders.  My future is definatly not one of settling down somewhere. At one time i had thought i was going to get married and have that kind of life, but i am so happy that my life the last three years has taken the turns that it did.  There are people i still think about and things i still yearn to know, but I am happy again. I am proud of the accomplishments I have made working with the United States Peace Corps in rural health for the past two years.

COS= close of service: June 24 2013

Trip to visit rachel my best friend (Indonesia, Bali, The philipines by way of Quatar and jakarta): July. august 2013

University of Texas Austin nursing school: August 2013

All for now. I love you all and miss you all so much! see you all so soon! thank you for your support and comfort!
God please protect me in my final months here and protect my fellow peace corps volunteers here and around the world!

waka waka

Hello, buenas noches a todos y todas!
How is everyone doing up there in the United States? Well i miss you all terribly and i miss the United States like crazy.  This whole peace corps experience has given me such renewed patriotism, i did not think that would happen at all. I am so proud to say that I am from the United States, for whatever faults we have as a country, I have realized that I love it so dearly and I cannot wait for the day when I will return.  Well The year mark passed in country, and boy did it go by sooooooo fast, se fue rapido, ay dios mio. What has happend since april you might ask, well enough to write a blog post about.
My new site mate and I are training for the half marathon in antigua , july 15th! so far I am up to running 7 miles at high altitude which makes my body feel amazing, i have lost the weight i gained during training and now back down to my comfortable level of 130 lbs. My new site mate has been such an amazing connection that i did not realize i would have, i really love having her in site because she can bake and has an enough and last week she made me chocolate chip cookies, sooo exciting. I have been running about 4 to 5 days a week for the half marathon but with the rainy season i am having to get up so much earlier. Yes my friends the rainy season has commenced and thus signifying that after 12 pm you much put on your rain boots or stay in side, it kind be kind of scary especially when the landslides occur.

This week i had 3 days of meetings in xela to talk about the projects that I will be undertaking starting in November here in chivarreto. It was actually one of the best meetings peace corps had offered us, I learned everything I need to begin to apply for my projects of planchas and latrines here in Chiva. It was also very thrilling because I was able to invite one of my promoters with me, a young girl, she is in my womens group and she traveled with me from chiva with her baby and stayed in the hotel, her first time in a hotel, which of course had to be ruined by the inevitable guatemalan men, tecnicos, that decided to drink while on a work event and keep her up the whole night, however she was a trooper and totally presented our proposal in front of all those machismo men, she totally killed it and I am so proud of her!  Next monday we have our charla with the women which i really lovedoing.
may 15th i went to the capital for another medical appointment and everything went really good, i found out that i did not have cancer, which was AWESOME, i celebrated by going to the mall and used some american money to do a littleshopping.  I stayed in duenas and visited with madelin and gustavo a little bit, i truly love my host family from duenas, i know that I always have a home with them.
Next weekend i am heading to pana for a little vacation that is so needed.
Of course my counter part issues continue and due to me not inviting him to the meetings we had it has been a difficult work enviroment, I really do not like him, I will continue to work alone.
I had a terrible flea infestation last week, which  left my body really scarred.
in other news, I am single again. suffice it to say that the person lied to me about a lot of things and hurt me, but I am a super strong woman and refuse to be upset over it for to long like my other relationships.  I cant really and dont want to write to much more about why it ended because it is still kind of painful but I will be ok. My mother always told me that the best revenge in life is success, and intend do be just that,successful.
I cant believe my peace corps time has gone so fast i have to begin to think about grad school.  University of Texas at Austin here i come. as My friends remember I got into grad school at U of texas austin just right after i accepted peace corps,I  have stayed in contact with the school and will be reapplying in about 6 months or so for the following year  august of 2013. Cannot wait to call the United States,specifically austin, home again.
I miss so many things about home.  I have changed so much from this experience and will continue to change. It feels like so long ago that I left to come here.
Anyway I love and miss you all so much, I am relatively safe here, ja ja ja ja.healthy and happy.
I will be home AUG,13-AUG, 26!!!!!!!
Please remember to tell your loved ones that you love them, do not take for granted that you live in the united states.
nos vemos.
oh the title "waka waka" taken from shakira is due to the fact that since I have been training for the half marathon at high altitude,my hair has literally turned blonde,and now people refer to me as shakira.

ps..... i miss my dog, good food,my family, my car, feeling safe, not being sexually harassed and feeling clean,oh and having electricity.

hitting the one year mark

The last time I wrote in this thing it was in novermber, that was honestly the last time i had any free time to write anything. I applaud my fellow volunteers that manage to do everything, does not work for me.
Since I last wrote, so much has happened. I flew home for the holidays and it was amazing to enjoy the United States with my family for 2 weeks.  My best friend from home also known as Rachel, has begun her own peace corps adventure in Indonesia, when she is at her year mark, I will be at COS, which is peace corps for close of service, Rachel and I will meet in Indonesia in 2013.
Things within the peace corps in Guatemala have changes drastically since i first sworn in.  Right around the time I came home from the United States, we had a 3 day meeting filled peace corps directed iniative. Every volunteer within Guatemala was to come to xela, the closest city to most volunteers serving in country. The meeting explained the new direction that peace corps latin america would be under. The head of Peace corps latin america and pacific islands came, and everyone important from peace corps washington and peace corps Guatemala, it was a evacuation force of sorts, only in part, because we did not evacuate, however our neighbors peace corps honduras, did evacuate due to security concerns.  Most americans are unaware of the security situation here in latin america, it really does not make much news, given the wars that we are engaged in overseas.  While at our meeting peace corps latin america was determined to be and statisically shown, one of the most dangerous places on earth outside of the active war zones of Afghanistan and Iraq.  This was rather humbling and some of my fellow volunteers opted to go home early, peace corps offered early cos to those that felt unsafe in the country. Another 100 or so volunteers who were on the eve of there cos, were also asked to leave early, so that peace corps guatemala could downsize and concentrate more on inforcing security for the volunteers still in country. This was a difficult descion but I feel that it was needed to make volunteers safer, given the safety issues we have in country and given the situation in honduras and el salvador.  This has taken some getting used to for all of us, people in certain departments were asked to relocate and a new transportation policy is in force, as always certain departments and the capital are off limits. I felt satisfied after the meeting although it was sad that Guatemala and peace corps bears the burden of the narcotrafficking that takes place, it is a shame to me that the people here, including myself live in a war zone.

I visited my host family in Duenas while i was in the capital for a medical appointment, it was odd to see how everything has changed, I still think of them as my family here in Guatemala, I trust them and i miss Madelin, Gustavo, Marial and the dogs, every day.
Chivarreto update, due to security concerns as mentioned above, my aldea received 2 volunteers that had to be relocated, both from youth development, lucy and Richard. This has taken some getting used to because i was used to being the only gringa in town, it was been nice though.
Work at the Puesto de salud continues, the happiness, the sorrow, the excitement, the drama.  I am happy to say that without any help from my counter part, which is the norm, I have formed a womens health promoter group of about 35 women, I have given 4 charlas so far, we meet 2x a month, and it has really been the best thing I have done since I have been here. I also have a girls soccer team that meets on sundays that has really encouraged young girls here to know that they are equal with that of little boys. My work with women and girls here has truly been service saving. If you leave here every day you realize how horrible life can be for women and girls, machismo runs rampent, sexual violence, incest, maternal mortality, and over all ineqaulity is the norm. Sexual harassment occurs even to myself on a daily basis here. To finally see the women and girls of chivarreto able to be comfortable to discuss there lives has been truly satisfying.  I will finish with the charlas in november and then we will begin working with the poorest members of the villages on projects, like stoves, cement flooring and latrines, I just finished a couple of days with peace corps learning how to create all that.

Peace corps life continues on here in Guatemala. I will hit one year in country on Apirl 27th, 2012, and what a year it has been. out of those 365 days, i was only in the united states for 14 days. This has truly given me the life experience I need. I no longer fear anything, I am strong, more confident and trusting in myself. I do not carry a purse anymore, I carry a pocketknife.
so my mom is not coming this summer to visit because of work, so i am going on vacation to costa rica to visit some beaches. I will be home again in august to visit family and travel to vermont with the family. I miss The United States terribly, my service has given me a true appreciation for my country, however many faults we have as a nation.
I love my family, I miss my friends. One year down, one to go.

i fell in the pineapple

Man i have seriously neglected this blog. Have not had time to write since july, please forgive me.  Well lets recap, it is now november and we are about a week away from reconnect in antigua, this will be a sort of get together for everyone from the training group, mostly i anticipate a lot of showmanship and competition to see who has been able to accomplish what, sometimes being around my other pcvs reminds me of high school, where people are constantly trying to one up eachother. it is wierd modern day peace corps seems to have a lot of kids that bring similar notions of lifestyle from the states, and here I am wanting to be removed from that kind of competition, vamos a ver, pretty sure i enjoy the isolated aldea life i live in. BIG NEWS, I moved to a new apartment like place in the middle of town, I am right in the center of the plaza above the ferriteria which is a hardware store.  My new place was the old place of two volunteers that are now living in the states.  They left me a bunch of there things, which is super cool, because I am not into decortating and have now idea what I am doing in that respect. I did add some touches thoug, a vermont and new york state map, to the kitchen. the lay out of the place is pretty cool, i have the second floor, first you encounter and open patio which has flowers that are growing in a tire garden and then a bathroom with a shower is to the right, my entrance is then strait ahead and my bedroom is the first room encountered followed by a hall way and the kitchen which as gas burners and lots of nice accessories for kitchenary duties, sadly I suck at cooking, enserio it is bad, and for some reason i do no understand the concept of making a meal for myself because then you have to do dishes, i rather eat popcorn and tuna and an apple, no messy clean up. On to my new family, Tilo and lydia and there children melissa and bryan, the kids are amazing. Bryan helps me with the compost the last volunteers left and melissa helps me with watering the plants, the kids actually helped me to wash the dishes in the pila the other day, we also had a picnic with some peanut butter and jelly, such a treat here. We also had a little halloween party, we made decorations, had halloween bags which i filled  with candy purchased from xela, also had some other goodies and then we sat down with the family in the dark with candles and watched the incredibles. Dona carmen is tilos mom and she is such a nice lady, even when i do crazy gringa stuff, she just laughs, which is so appreciate.  Dona Carmen came with me to purchase my very own corte, yes it is official i have corte, my very own and I am super excited.  My friend Ballardo's step mom, Dona Maria is sewing my blouse called a whipel (not sure of spelling) and my corte.
Things at the puesto are moving along sort of slowly, however i think that is the name of the game here in Chiva, things go slow, the people enjoy being isolated here, this is very frustrating to me but I am learning to understand and appreciate the different pace, even when sometimes i want to pull my hair out to make things move a little faster. Right now I am finishing work on my CAT which is a tool and sort of report like document about chivarreto, I have done a bunch of interviews and bryan and melissa are helping me with a poster/map of chiva so that i can present this at reconnect which is in a week.  I am super excited to present about chiva, but I do not really want to travel all the way to antigua for only 2 days, although I do have an extra couple days of spanish class, which kind of sucks, I do believe I learned more from speaking here then class.  Well anyway I am treating myself to a night et earth lodge outside of antigua with a friend of mine, then I guess there is one week left and then thanksgiving. My sort of sitemate and I, will be going to Lake Atitlan in panajachel, we are staying at an awesome place right on the lake for 3 days and there is also a thanksgiving feast for all the expats, super exciting.

So I had parasites again, another round of giardia, did not take the medicine this time, but rethinking taking it, do to still suffering a bit.
Presidential elections happened today.  I believe as I type this Otto de partido patriota is the winner.  as I was walking back to my house today a huge crowd has formed to celebrate the victory. My friend told me however that the people are worries here, this aldea had suffered atrocities during the civil war, which were perpetrated by military.  Perez's motto of an iron hand on the borders to the north with mexico and the heavy related gang and homicide activiy is somewhat troubelsome to people here, and human rights groups. They are afraid of similar instances of human rights violations will take place with the mano duro that has been promised by perez. vamos a ver. Needless to say the whole Peace corps Guatemala crew is in "standfast" which means stay in your town and DO NOT LEAVE, do to precieved insecurity or unrest.

People gossip like crazy here, I used to think it was just the people in my town but man the peace corps gossip machine is worse, I am seeing someone, he loves me, I am happy, I am hopeful, I laugh and smile and enjoy life even more because of him, that is all for now.

About 2 weeks a girl something happened at the puesto, I know for certain that my presence here affected a young women in a positive way, she left feeling empowers, hopeful and knowledgeable about her body, and her choices, Thank God for Peace Corps, I am so privalaged to live this life, every day I wake up and have an adventure, some days are horribly hard, I want to give up. When I want to give up I think about the young woman in the puesto de salud, and I remember I am here to serve the people of Guatemala and in turn I am gaining so much more.

It is almost december and I will be home for 2 weeks in January to visit family and friends, Time rushes by so fast here.  I miss my family at times, i miss warm showers, and vegan food, but this time of my life I will never forget and I am only just getting started!
best wishes to all my friend around the world. Thank you for the packages and words of support! I love and miss you all!
xoxoxoxoxo
 PS......
Oh I almost forot to explain said titulo:  whilst walking with dona carmen in san francisco el alto on market day i fell but first into a circular bucket of pineapple, the vendor was not amused, but I believe everyone within a mile radius was dieing of hysterical laughter.

I forgot I had a blog.

I forgot I had a blog.  I forgot I had created this little outlet for myself back in January para escribir my dudas, piensamientos y mas cosas.  Well I feel this is to overwhelming to attempt to encapsulate the last 4 months that I have been in Guatemala. So I will just run through a couple things because frankly, having a blog is annoying.  So I have been in my site se llama Aldea Chivarreto, San Francisco El alto, Totonicapan.  It is quite rural and quite closed off.  The buses to xela and to San Fran, do not come with regularity so oftentimes i find myself hitching.  I liive in a house with a woman and her mother, they both speak quiche, in fact everyone in my aldea speaks quiche first and Spanish second, which is cool because of all for people thinking my spanish is better then it is.  I have a little room with a seperate entrance and exit that i can use so that i do not disturb Dominga and her mom, Susanna.  I use a latrine, but I do have a shower, which is shockingly cold, needless to say my shower usage has decreased.  They make me dinner and breakfeast which is very nice, tonight i had a yerba and a tamalita made of corn, which was delicious and tasted like cornbread.  I also drank unpastuarized milk, buenas suerte a mi estomogo.  My room is coming a long to feel more like a space I can own for the next to years,  but honestly I do not really care about adornments and making my room my to have accessories.  I would rather save the money for traveling expenses.  My room is pretty nice though. The only downside is that it is infested with beetles and mosquitos, entonces I have so many bites I cannot count them all, which leads to severe allergic reaction usually at night, in which i disrobe and lather myself in hydrocortizone cream.  Working at the health post is amazing, with little to no resources, the women that I work with are able to pull off full on miracles, and I am privalaged to be living this life with them.  I have sewed a girls scalp back together, helped a girl with a heart problem, held babies very ill, and worked in charlas and gaving HIV tallers to jovenes.  Moving on to funnier moments of my time in site.  I am sticking to talking about my time in my site now because trying to recall my time in Duenas would be crazy, so many awesome amazing memories, that I have in a journal which one day I will recall from that time in Guatemala. I am quite confident I was bitten by a brown recluse spider, my baby toe has a black hemoragic mark, which has not gone away, hmm vamos a ver.  I have a pretty hard core crush on this guy that works at the libreria (fucking cannot spell that) in my town.  I do not feel comfortable in my town yet to go running, and I have been told it is not recommended in my town.  I am quite aware of the attention I draw with my red hair, so needless to say I am quite bummed about not being able to run.  Kyle and Lizzy the other peace corps volunteers that live hereinvited me to a sort of sports day, which will be basketball and soccer usually on sundays.  I am up for it, so it should be pretty fun.  My mom is coming to visit in January and I will be coming back to the states in may of 2012. I will spend a week in Austin, Texas with my mom and also updating professors on my work in Guatemala and staying on track with my masters, and then a week in New York with my family.  During my peace corps tenure I am hoping to travel a bit around central and south america.  For christmas my friends and I will be going to the bay islands in Honduras, which should be killer.  Anything that sounds remotely warm right now, makes me so intensely excited.  My site is at 2900 meters and therefore freezing, but I seriously love Chivarreto.  I am attempting to make my time working for Peace Corps at working at the health center my own.  This is about my experience and what I was looking for which was adventure and the chance to make a sustainable difference in a country that has been forgotten.  It is pretty hard living, at night i lose electricity and sometimes I get super mad about having to walk through the darkness to get to the latrine.  a veces it is dangerous super dangerous, I will not recall all of my danger moments in attempt to protect my mother from nightmares about me living here, ha ha.  Tomorrow I am off to xela which is the closest city to my site about 2 hours away on a camioneta, which is a super charged yellow school bus that is packed to capacity with Guatemalans and a redhead from new york.  Xela is pretty cool, but I find myself longing to return to my little aldea and the peaceful simplicity of the peace corps life that I signed up for.  At night it is difficult sometimes. I find myself lonely with time to think about the past.  I am constantly thinking about my ex boyfriend.  I hate to admit it but I miss him so much. I wrote him a letter the other day which I have no attention of mailing. I am quite certain that we will never speak again, and we are both so far away from each other right now.  I think I still love him.  I am quite certain I do, I have dated other people since, but I still think about him so needless to say I wake up every morning hoping to have had a message from him, but I have not spoken to him in so long, my fear is that i never will.  It is pretty awful to love someone who does not love you.  I am hoping I will find this love again in the future.

My time in peace corps is helping me to realize how truly strong I am and I am so glad I had the courage to take this step, I would not give these two years up for anything.  What adventures I have had to date here in this beautiful, wild, spectacular, dangerous, adventurous, peaceful, country.  Yo estoy muy feliz para vivir aqui en guatemala por dos anos.  Vamos a ver sobre el futuro.   te cuidas mis amigos!

Raquel

6 days

How did this happen? How did the time go by so fast? This is the question.  Lately life has felt like it has come completely full circle.  How did this year go by so fast?  I applied in October and what a journey i have had since, well since the summer actually. Life has completely and utterly changed.  I will not spend a lot of time on this blog post.  I have pretty much all of the peace corps essentials that I need for the more hardcore settings that I will be in, and i have to pick up some extra products and a couple pairs of dressier pants for meetings and such.  My emotions are so crazy lately.  Excitement to nervousness and back to excitement to loneliness again.  I truly hope my parents stay as crazy as they are right now and I hope that they do not become emotional, I do not handle other peoples emotions well.  The other day I went to EMS and a bunch of really helpful mountainy gentleman helped me pick out some pretty rad gear.  I am super excited to be back in the developing world again. If I am going to be honest, I seriously feel most like myself when I am living a little off the grid.  I am so excited for bugs, mud, Potentially hazardous road conditions that could lead to impending doom.  I love having cold water showers and little to no water pressure is a luxury, frankly bucket showers remind me of Africa.  I love the developing world market place.  I love what we in the humanitarian aid community call the developing world diet in which you do not really need to worry about working out to lose weight and it just happens miraculously by the assistance of little amoebas and walking great distances.
I am super excited for awesome fruits and veggies esp avocado! I cannot wait for real chai and real coffee.  What I am most excited about are the human relationships that I will make with fellow peace corps volunteers, but mostly with Guatemalans and the indigenous community.  It has been my dream to live and work in another country in such a way that will allow for self sustaining improvements that will go on long after I have moved on.  So with that I am on my way to where I belong.  it is no secret that i feel out of place with a lot Americans, with a lot of people.  I am most like myself when I am living in the developing world and I am excited to return to that sense of self.
I am very excited to start this adventure.  I feel a little cheated though because there are a lot of things I am giving up.  Of course getting in to grad school at Texas is something that I hope will be waiting for me again in two years.  I also met someone recently that I wish I could have done things differently with, I wanted more time, I wanted to really say that when I did not want to see you, I really meant that I just could not bear to say goodbye to you in person.  You have made such a difference in the my life when I needed to believe that some people were good.  Thank you, thank you forever. And even if we never see each other again, I want you to know that I will think about you and remember you always.

so on the 26th I am off to Philadelphia for staging then NYC to MIAMI and finally GUATEMALA.

I hope that I can live the rest of my life the way I have lived the last 6 months which was living in the moment and being happy and hopeful and savoring every moment.

Good Bye my Friends.
I will be off of facebook for the first 3 months of service to attempt to live more akin to the peace corps volunteers of the past.  I will have a cell a mailing address, email and skype info in my final blog post before I depart.
Love always.